


What Remains

by gray_autumn_sky



Series: Set in Storybrooke, Canon Divergent [4]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 20:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15372570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gray_autumn_sky/pseuds/gray_autumn_sky
Summary: Swan Queen BroTp. Regina and Emma talking about what it’s like to have to kill the man they love; afterward, Regina seeks comfort in Robin.





	What Remains

Regina lets out a shallow breath as she tries to smile.

She let herself in. The door was unlocked, unprotected by magic and while her first instinct is to scold Emma’s carelessness, when she sees her lying on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling, she finds that she can’t. Instead, she sits down on the edge of the couch and waits to be noticed.

“Emma?” She asks, in a soft voice as she touches her finger tips to her sleeve. “Emma, can you hear me?”

“Yeah,” Emma replies in a barely audible voice. “I can.”

“I…wanted to see how you were doing.”

“Fine.”

“You’re not fine,” Regina says with a sigh, slowly moving her hand over Emma’s. “You’re tough, Emma; but even you can’t bounce back this quickly.” Emma blinks, turning her head toward Regina. Her eyes are red and glassy—evidence of hours of crying—and Regina feels her chest constrict. She knows this feeling, she understands. “It…gets easier,” she offers quietly.

Emma blinks a couple of times before pulling herself up into a sitting position, crossing her legs beneath herself as she fumbles with her fingers. “Does it?”

Regina nods, “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it…does.” She pauses, thinking of that night in the stables when Daniel fell to the ground and she’d held his lifeless body in her arms and sobbed. Even now, so many years later, it hurts. “It doesn’t go away,” she says. “You just…learn to live with it. That hole you feel in your heart doesn’t fill in, but it won’t always sting as badly as it does right now.”

Emma breathes out a shallow shaky breath. “Its just…I did this.” She looks up again, Regina feels her heart clench. “He’s dead because of me.”

“I know how that feels, too.”

“Oh, I…forgot about that.”

Regina nods, “Reaching into Daniel’s chest and crushing his heart was…” She takes a breath as a lump rises in her throat. “It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.” She pauses and takes a breath, trying to keep her own tears at bay. “He begged me to do it and…and even thought I knew I had to do it, that it was the right thing to do…”

“It haunts you,” Emma supplies.

“It does.”

“He’s dead because I loved him.”

Warm tears brim in her eyes. She’s lost track of the number of times she’s had that very thought over the years and she’s lost track the ways that thought fueled her grief and triggered her self-loathing, how that thought pushed her deeper and deeper into the darkness and wholeheartedly made her believe that she didn’t deserve happiness—not when her own desire for it had taken it from her love.

She knows that there aren’t words to console Emma. She knows that nothing she can do or say can make this better or change it. She knows because she truly understands. She takes another breath and reaches for Emma’s hand, giving it a hard squeeze.

“Thank you.”

Her brow furrows slightly, “Why are you thanking me.”

“For not being condescending enough to say it’s going to be okay.”

Regina nods, swallowing hard as she stifles the tears that threaten to fall. “Nothing about this is okay.”

An hour later, she’s standing in her own living room, watching as Robin tucks his infant daughter into her bassinet. She smiles softly as she watches—watching as he smiles down at the small girl lovingly, tenderly rubbing his finger over her tiny hand. Her heart clenches in her chest as she thinks of how much she loves him and how grateful she is to have him in her life—that he quieted that voice inside her head that told her she was undeserving and taught her how to open up her heart and love again.

“Regina,” he murmurs, as he looks up from the bassinette, smiling and holding out his hand to her. She’s quick to join him and lets him take her hand. His fingers lace through hers and she’s glad for the contact, glad to feel the physical reminder of his presence. “Are you okay, love?” He asks as her eyes grow teary.

“Yeah—I’m fine, I just…I just came back from seeing Emma and she’s…she’s so heartbroken right now.” He leans in and presses a soft kiss to her forehead—it’s a feeling they both understand. “I love you. You know that, right?”

“I do,” he says. “And I love you.”

“I don’t say it enough…”

“You don’t have to say it,” he tells her. “I know.”

Again, he kisses her forehead and his other arm wraps around her, pulling her into a loose embrace. She presses her cheek against his shoulder and finally allows her tears to fall.


End file.
